Life as a Grad Student
The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students
- My job prospects look really good.
- The Department is giving me so much support.
- I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
- I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
- No really. I'll be out of here in only two more years.
- Your latest article was so inspiring.
- I could never date an undergraduate.
- My work has a lot of practical importance.
- I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
- It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate makes $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
The Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Fellows
- My other section is much better prepared than you guys.
- Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
- It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
- Call me any time; I'm always available.
- I'm not going to grant any extensions.
You Just Might be a Graduate Student if...
- ...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
- ...your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.
- ...you have ever, for a folklore project, attempted to track the progress
of your own joke across the Internet.
- ...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
- ...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
- ...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
- ...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
- ...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
- ...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopies while researching a single paper.
- ...there is a microfiche reader in the library that you consider ``yours''.
- ...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
- ...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
- ...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the
distraction of classes.
- ...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
- ...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
- ...your professors don't really care when you turn in your work anymore.
- ...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
- ...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying
to keep them all in the same general area.
- ...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
- ...you reflexively start analyzing those Greek letters before you realize that it's
just a sorority sweatshirt and not an equation.
- ...you find yourself explaining to young children that you are in the ``20th'' grade.
- ...you start referring to stories like ``Snow White et al.''
- ...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
- ...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
- ...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
- ...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as ``personal communication''.
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